Saturday, 24 June 2017

Alhaji Dollar-Dollar (Part 2)


Click Here for Part 1

It was almost seven when the man woke me up. After 4 rounds of sex in quick succession, I had passed into oblivion. I swear the man almost killed me.
“You just dey sleep, sleep, sleep like tolotolo,” he playfully chided, baring gworo-stained teeth, with yellowish eyes twinkling like a kid that had just finished a whole box of candy. “Night done come, make we dey go.”

“Where my dollars,” I promptly requested, mentally scolding myself for having slept off like that. What if the man had disappeared without paying me the promised largesse? I would have just fainted, after going through all that in his hands?

“No wahala. Me go give you dollar, no froblem. Wia your cloth.” As he spoke, he began to dress. I did the same. Once done, I picked up my hand bag and repeated. “Oya, the dollars...”

He dug his hand into the pocket of his sokoto, and brought out a small pile of green notes. My heart quickened at the sight. That was dollars all right. O boy! My eyes followed his fingers to and fro as he counted twenty crisp notes and handed them to me. I grabbed them eagerly and dunked them immediately into my handbag. “Thank you, Alhaji.”

Yowa…you sweet well well…”

We both exited the brothel amidst stares and hisses from the girls that infested the place. I ignored them, not being in the same class as they.

Alhaji Dollar-Dollar hailed me a cab and we exchanged numbers. I would definitely respond sharp sharp whenever he called me, I promised him. I was now a proud earner of dollars.

Once home, the first thing I did was to pull out the dollar notes from their safe haven to drool over them. I had been itching to do that even in the cab but fear of being robbed would not let me.

All through the ride, I had done quick mathematics of how much I would change the money to, and had even done a fast research on my i-phone to see how much the black market exchange rate was now. The 2,000 dollars would fetch me N600,000 at worst. Choi! I was really thankful to God for a very productive day.

I started counting the notes, 1,2,3,4,..19 then stopped short. I stared at the last one and stared again. Then I spread them all on the bed and checked them one after the other. They were 1 dollar notes, all twenty of them, one one dollar, twenty dollars in total. Not 100 dollars each like I had thought when Alhaji Dollar Dollar was counting the money.

I screamed and shot off my bed, took a couple of the notes closer to where the fluorescent light shone brightest. My eyes were not deceiving me. What had looked like 100 dollar notes in the light of the brothel room were actually one dollar notes.


A total of six thousand. Me, six thousand, big girl like me, six thousand naira after four rounds of sex?! Alhaji had scammed me.

I quickly picked up my phone and called his number.

He picked on the second ring. “Yellow faw-faw, you don reach am for house?”

“Come, no ask me stupid question, wetin be the meaning of this nonsense dollars wey you give me?”

“Walahi no be fake, na original dollars…

“Who dey follow you talk fake or no fake dollars? Wetin be the meaning of this rubbish twenty dollars you carry give me? Na the plenty dollars me and you agree be that?”

Mata, e flenty walahi. You change am for N6,500. Flenty money.”

“You dey craze. I resemble ashawo kobo-kobo for your eyes? You give me that nonsense money after four rounds, God go punish you. I come dey thank you again, dey think say na 2,000 dollar dey there.”

“Allahu! 2,000 dollars? I dey craze? You na armed robber, walahi. 2,000 dollars? N1,500 sef I suppose give you. I give you 20 dollars you dey talk…dollar na paper?”

I cut the phone on the fool after raining more curses on him. Imagine the idiot! But could I blame him? If not for the fact that my greed to get my hands on some hot dollars had been so high, would I not have checked the money properly before throwing it into my bag? In fact, I would have told him exactly how much I expected him to give me right at the start. 

"20 dollars? Chai Kira, you have suffered."

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