Chi, the excitement in his eyes are like
twin flames of fire burning in amber depths, very infectious. Then, suddenly,
they go off.
“I was halfway back to the school when
something occurred to me, something that dampened my joy. Iyabo… what if after
all said and done, even with this money, the operation is still not
successful?”
“God forbid!”
“No, let’s think of this objectively,
Iyabo. Dr. Efe told us it’s a rather dangerous operation with a 50-50 chance of
survival. If Chisom doesn’t survive it, we lose both ways – we lose the money
and we lose our child.”
“I don’t understand what you are saying.
Why are you being negative-minded all of a sudden? It’s so unlike you. By God’s
grace, my daughter will survive the operation. She won’t die!”
“I can’t do it. I can’t take the risk.”
I’m confused. What is the matter with your
father? Why is he losing hope now that the money is finally complete? It
doesn’t make sense.
“Look at them, look at our other
children,” Sylvanus is saying, waving his right hand such that it traces a wide
arc over the floor on which your siblings are fast asleep on mats. “Born into
poverty and wallowing in it. How long do we let them continue to live like
this? Is this how I am going to give them a good education, send them to the
University? Even feeding them is hard. My children have to hawk plantain
everyday for God’s sake! What kind of man does it make me, Iyabo, if I let this
opportunity slip away? How can I let this sort of money, more money than I’ve
ever thought possible for me to see in my lifetime, go for something we are not
sure of? Something which holds only half a chance of being successful?”
His words are like sprinkles of iced water
as they seep into my heart. “But she's our little baby. We can’t afford not to
do the operation… she can’t continue to live like this.”
“We can, and that’s because we have to
think about our other children too. Imagine if we go to Israel and the
operation is unsuccessful. Then we come back home to this state of poverty and
continue suffering these poor, healthy children? No, that won’t be fair on
them. Even if the operation succeeds we still come back to our life of poverty.
No, no, no! Iyabo, this is an opportunity our darling baby has brought our way,
and we have to utilize it right. If not, we are fools!”
As greedy and horrible as Sylvanus’s words
sound, as much as I dislike the idea of what he is suggesting, I know he is
right. He is always right.
But I can't imagine doing such a thing to
you, my little angel. It’s wrong to let you continue living with that tumour
now we have the money to get it out, knowing it would rob you of any kind of living
and eventually claim your life. It isn’t your fault we are poor, so why should
you pay for it?
Yet, I don't want you to think your father
doesn't love you. He does. He just happens to be more practical than I am.
“But the money is not ours to do as we please
with, Sylvanus. It’s meant for Chisom’s operation and it will be a crime to use
it for anything else. Dr. Efe…”
“To hell with Dr. Efe. She can’t force us
to go ahead with the operation. Is it her account the money was paid into or is
she the one that gave birth to Chisom for me? It’s all very simple. We move
away from here and change our phone numbers, then we take out all the money
from the account over the next few days. Is it not when anyone can reach or
find us that they will be able to ask about any money or operation?”
“Jesus Christ!”
Oh, I have startled you? I am sorry, Chisom.
It is just shocking that your father had planned all of this in so short a
time.
“Imagine what we can do with all this
money, my love. Our lives will never be the same. We would get a better place
to live in, put the kids in better schools, no more hawking for them…”
“What about Chisom, what happens to her?”
He doesn’t respond. But I can feel his
eyes boring tunnels into my back as I lift you up from the bed, not really a
bed since it’s only a mattress. His eyes remain on me as I sit on the mattress
and begin rocking you gently back to sleep. Even without turning round, I know
he is running his thumb and forefinger across the sparse hair on the sides of
his chin like he does whenever he is trying to think something through. I know
he is trying to structure his next words for best impact, and something tells
me I won’t like them.
“We can’t take Chisom with us. We have to
leave her here.”
“Whaaat?”
“Hear me out and don’t wake the kids and
neighbours up with your screams. You know these walls are thinner than tissue.”
Another pause. More strokes of the chin.
“After we have taken all the money out of
the account, we will Chisom something that’d make her sleep deeply, and be on
our way with the rest of the kids. But we won’t lock the door. When we have
gone far enough, we call Dr. Efe and tell her to come over as quickly as
possible, acting like there is an emergency. When she comes she’ll find Chisom
and she would have no choice but to take her away with her. With us gone, the
government will have to take care of Chisom. Who knows, they might even sponsor
her for the operation. Iyabo, it’s a win-win situation.”
“Please. Please don’t ask me to do that,
Sylvanus. Don’t ask me to abandon my own child.” I only realize I’m crying when
I notice the water stains appearing on the Ankara
wrapper you are swathed in in little dark patches.
“It’s the best thing we can do. We won’t
be helping her if we take her with us without doing the operation. She stands a
better chance under the care of the government. Please, Iyabo you have to trust
me and do as I say in this situation. You will never regret it. I promise.”
The tears drop faster down my cheeks and
unto you. And I know I am crying so much because I would do exactly as he says.
He is my husband and my obedience is his right. And even if I have any
resistance to him, it’s hard to keep it up in the face of so much money.
I nodded weekly. “Okay, Sylvanus. I will
do as you say.”
Please, little angel, understand that I just
have to do it. He is right, even though what he suggests is wrong. Please
forgive me, Chisom, forgive us…
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