Thursday, 4 October 2018

Between A Man and His Wife

Wife: Ola, Ola!

Husband: (rushes out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his midriff, some soap bubbles dotting parts of his body): What is it, dear?

Wife: Who is Shade? Who the hell is Shade?

Husband: Which Shade…? (looks confused)

Wife: The Shade that has been calling you nonstop, the one that has been sending you tons of messages and pictures on WhatsApp (waves the phone in her hand angrily in his face). Your phone kept ringing while you were in the bathroom.  I looked at it and saw that it’s one Shade that has been calling. When I picked it, she refused to say anything. So, I checked your phone to see who she is and saw all her messages. You have started doing rubbish, ehn, Ola. You now have a side-chick.

Husband:(sighs) I don’t have a side-chick. Shade is just an old friend from Uni. Bumped into her some days back and exchanged numbers. That’s all! She is just an old friend.

Wife: What kind of ‘old friend’ exactly? What kind of friend sends a married man messages every night, sends him pictures on WhatsApp and keeps asking when he will come and see her?

Husband: Did you see that I only responded to her messages once and that I did not accept her invite?

Wife: Is that not message and chat only? How will I know what you say to her when you talk on the phone?

Husband: (sighs again).

Wife: So, this is what you plan on doing when I travel to visit my parents next week abi? You will go and be visiting one useless girl up and down. In fact, I am not travelling anywhere again. I will be with you in this house all through the public holiday. Let me see how you will go and visit her.

Husband: Stop being paranoid, Angela. You have been looking forward to visiting your parents, how can you cancel it because of a baseless suspicion?

Wife: Baseless, right? Baseless, even with all these messages and missed calls? You are a joker. I am going nowhere. That is how you were pretending that you didn’t want me to go, when actually you must have been very happy and looking forward to it. (She thrust the phone at him). Delete all those messages and block her. If indeed you have no evil plans in mind for her, block her as I am watching!

Husband: (takes the phone and does her bidding). Happy now?  No need for you to cancel your trip.

Wife: No need for what? I have told you, I am not going anywhere. I won’t give you room to start any rubbish. (And she marches out of the room angrily).

Husband: (gives a happy little giggle) Wow, this plan worked flawlessly. Imagine all the time I spent trying to convince her not to travel, to stay at home with me during the holiday. Paul (referring to his friend that came up with the plan) you’re a genius!

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