Saturday, 8 September 2018

Corper Sean: The Genesis

Hi, my name is Seun Oludumila, popularly known as Sean. I would like to share my NYSC escapades, or should I call them sexcapades, with you. Before I went for youth service, I had heard of guys having very raunchy experiences during NYSC, but I had never dreamt that those things would happen to me. Believe me, you will be shocked by all I have to share.
Let me start at the very beginning. But before I do, I will give a brief description of myself. I am just a young guy with average good looks; fresh face, minimal beards, coffee complexion, average body size and height. So, don’t think I am some Mr. Macho with killer looks. One thing, though, is the fact that I always ensure I am well-groomed and presentable. Maybe this is what made things work out for me the way they did while serving my father land.
Okay, now the beginning.
I had arrived at my appointed PPA, that fateful morning after camp, feeling very frustrated and disappointed. First, I had runs’ed getting re-deployed back to Lagos, only to find out at the last minute that it did not work out. Then I was assigned, not to a corporate organization or government house in the state capital, Umuahia, like I had hoped, but to a secondary school. To make matters worse, it was not even a secondary school in the city; it was in some village whose name I could not pronounce without almost swallowing my tongue!
“Omo, no be die I dey so?” I mused to myself in agony.
I and two other corps members, a girl and a boy, were directed to the principal’s office when we arrived at the school. She was a woman who looked to be in her late fifties, and had the stern yet motherly face one would attach to female school heads.
I was almost bored to sleep as she listed her expectations from us, as well as their rules, but the moment she talked about money, I became alert again.
“In this local government area, our corper teachers…” what in the world is ‘corper teacher’? “…are paid an allowance of four thousand five hundred naira monthly.”
I blinked. “Ma?”
“Yes, four thousand, five hundred naira. That is in addition to your monthly allowance from the government.” Would it have been part of the federal government allowance before?
“It might seem small, but money should not be what is important to you for now. I think you will really enjoy it here. It is a peaceful environment, the students are peaceful and obedient, and it will make you happy to know are helping them to improve their lives.”
“Yes, ma,” the two otondos I came with nodded in fervent agreement.
See these ones o, I thought. So because I want to improve students’ lives I should starve to death here?
N19,800 from federal government and N4,500 from the school came to a total of N24,300, not even up to N25k. Me that in school I got a monthly allowance of N30k, and that had not even been enough for my needs.  How was I going to survive and pay all my bill in this village with this amount?
After all the talk, the principal asked a teacher to show us our rooms in the corpers’ lodge.
As we walked down, I took in the school’s environment and my trepidation kept rising.
The school was a small one, comprising of about 5 blocks of bungalow-like buildings, and dotted heavily with trees. The buildings were brown in colour and looked old and worn out, save for one, that was still in good shape. It was in that building that both the principal’s office and staff room was situated.
Despite the fact that it was small, and its buildings very old, the school was quite neatly kept and the shade from the many trees made the atmosphere cool and breezy.
In addition to these 5 buildings was the corpers’ lodge which had a light green colour and looked like it had been recently painted.
“Our corpers’ lodge is fine,” the teacher that was taking us told us proudly. “Last year corpers, they did well. They painted and renovated it.”
At least one thing seems to be cool in this place, I thought.
But when we got into the lodge, I found the interior disappointing. There was hardly any furniture it the rooms we were given; each had only a mattress and a wooden chair and table. Even the windows had no mosquito net. To make it worse the other male corper and I had to share a room.
My frustration grew. I made up my mind to spend as little time as possible in the village. I would constantly be going to Lagos or Umuahia.
The next morning, we were introduced to the students. I was surprised to see how matured many of them looked. Especially girls. Even in their uniforms they looked more like young women in the full bloom age of early twenties than teenagers.
I was to take the SS1 students in Mathematics, so I started going round the classes; addressing them and taking a look at their notes to see what they had been taught thus far.
“Corper,” one of them, a tall female with bulging curves that had my eyes bulging too, said boldly. "Should I help you to bring abacha this evening. It is very sweet and you will enjoy it.”
I did not dull myself at all. "No problem,” I told her sharply.
Not long later, I got another proposal. This time it was from a slim one, who was a cross between fair and dark.
"Sir, should I come and help you wash your clothes this evening. I can help you clean your house too."
I did not waste time to accept.
“Omo, this is getting interesting. Seems this PPA is not bad after all. I can foresee the lifestyle of a king loading for me here.”
But I had seen nothing yet. After school hours, I was waiting for Diran under a tree, when one of the regular teachers came up to me. She had introduced herself as Amaka earlier.
“Corper Seun, how are you? Hope you are enjoying our school.”
“Ah, yes. I’m enjoying it. You can call me Sean,” I told her.
“Okay o, Corper Sean.” Then she giggled. “It sounds like that you people’s favourite language… corper shun.”
I laughed too.
“You will really enjoy this our village o,” she promised me. “All the things you will be eating is fresh. Even the women here are very good wife material o... like me." 
She giggled again as she said this, as though joking. But to me, it was clear green light.
Okay, I thought, rubbing my chin. This is getting really, really interesting. Fresh corper like us, na them dey rush us.

It was at that moment that all my chagrin and frustration at being posted to a village disappeared. I knew I was going to have a delicious service year.

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