Monday, 13 August 2018

Kaka Morufa




Morufa kaka just dey scatter all mans brain for area. Na so she go dey carry the overload dey waka for street, dey roll am like jangolova and guys go just dey look am, dey say, “Ki le leyi, e wo kaka Morufa sha.”

Women wey get big yansh plenty for area, but this Morufa own different. The thing wey come funny pass na say the thing just big overnight. Morufa back flat like knife before o, she just go do holiday for somewhere come back, na him the thing come big o.


Men dem just dey hustle to get this girl, and me too I no wan carry last. Any time I see am dey roll the waist pass, he dey do me say make I see wetin e be like without cloth.

Morufa Mama get one canteen like that. Her food no too sweet, but since Morufa come back, come set like anything, I start to dey go there constantly. And no be only me. Many guys dey queue for this Morufa matter, dem dey try woo am, make she do their own. But this girl shakara plenty, sake of say she no say her market value don rise with the thing wey she go gather for waist.

Men dey spend money on top her head anyhow, dey dash am change, they buy am gift, dey carry am go chop fast food. But still, this girl no wan gree for anybody. The thing come turn competition. Mans dey bet on top who go succeed to be the first to taste Morufa fire kaka. Na him I come make up my mind say that person must be me o. Na me must date this girl.

Na so I start to dey toast am every day, dey block am for the canteen, dey give am story say na me get the Baba Ijebu shop wey I dey work. I dey buy am credit, sharwarma, suya, all those things. But this girl still dey lera for me o.

I come desperate gan.  Na him one day I ask am say, “Morufa, tell me wetin you want make I do for you to be mine. Anything you want, I go give you. I no fit wait to get you for my life.”

Morufa smile, come tell me say. “See ehn, I want android phone. This one wey I dey use done old. If you buy am for me, I go do anything wey you want.”

My heart cut when I hear that one. Android phone ke! How much I dey collect for the Baba Ijebu shop wey I dey work? But I no fit fall my hand na. Sake of say the girl dey burst my brain and I no want lose out for this race. If I say I no fit do this one, she go just bone my side completely.

Na him I promise am say I go buy am the android phone, make she just give me till weekend. She too come promise me say she go come my house for weekend come collect the phone and if I buy am for am true true, she go do anything wey I want. That one burst my brain again.

But how I want take see money for android phone? Cheapest android phone wey dey okay be like 20k. How I wan’ take buy am? My savings wey dey inside my kolo no even reach 5k.

Na so I waka go my padi, Ibro, house, yarn am as e dey go. Say I dey find money to buy Morufa android phone. Say I must chop the girl because her kaka dey give me sleepless night. But na how to gather money take buy wetin she want be the problem now.

“Sege, why you dey disturb yourself dey look for money for android phone up and down. My guy ja yourself. Na sense man you be. I go carry you go somewhere, them go package fufu inside phone case for you. You no go even spend reach 2k. By the time her eyes clear see say na rubbish you give am, you go don do wetin you wan do.”

Omooo, see sense!

I gbadun Ibro suggestion no be small, and I no waste time to use am. Na so I follow am go computer village. When we reach there, e be like magic for my eyes. Na so dem package the fufu like cement, use am pad Samsung phone casing, come put am inside cha-cha carton, come still add charger. Omo, this people bad gan o.

I carry the palasa go house, call Morufa make she come, say her phone done ready. The girl no believe her ears. Sharp sharp, she show. She come say make I show am the phone. I comot the carton show am, come still comot the neatly-padded phone show am. Nobody for this world go fit believe say na fufu dey inside.

Come see how Morufa dey jump, dey thank me. Mumu. Me I just dey there, dey eye the kaka for her back as the thing dey bounce.

“No on am yet. When you reach house, charge am full first.”

Morufa nod head, carry the phone carton chook inside her bag.

“Oya, I don fulfill my own promise, na your turn.”

Morufa nod head again, the mumu just dey happy die. She say make I off light before she off cloth. I off light sharp sharp. She off her cloth and I off my own too. Na so we enter bed, make we start the do. My hands just rush go find the thing wey I don dey dream of since, the big kaka. Na him I find am, find am, I no see the kaka.

I pause. I dey dream? I find am again. “Morufa wey your kaka?”

“No be him you dey touch?”

Na him I confuse, jump up, on light. The next thing na shout I shout. Morufa back flat like anything ni o. The big kaka wey she dey use oppress all mans for street don disappear. This one pass magic. “Morufa!”


Before I shout finish na him I see something near her clothes. Na one thick padded short knicker like that o. Ah, my people, na padded bumbum Morufa dey wear!


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